Raising the Question

 

For my Raising the Question challenge, I chose Jessica Labbe’s “Finding the Balance” post. Jessica starts with an acknowledgment that as a trained social worker, she has to remind herself to disengage sometimes and take time for self-care. Jessica notes that it is quite easy to fall into helping patterns that we deploy in our professional lives a bit to freely in our personal lives. In her situation, her natural leanings toward empathy get her connecting with friends and helping them through their “Very Hard Times,” even as Jessica feels burnt out herself.

She notes that in the podcast, the speakers talk about vicarious trauma and how people who are overwhelmed, stressed out, and frazzled just may snap and lash out at others. Jessica makes an important observation that while these kinds of reactions are understandable, at the same time, it isn’t okay to take out one’s frustrations on someone who may not have any more control than anyone else. Interestingly, she thinks of herself as Mars, the bringer of war, when she becomes blunt. While others may see her bluntness as crochety, Jessica explains that she is really in a sort of “getting down to business” mindset. She is eager to help and make things better, so this affect is actually an indicator of how much she cares. However, others may not interpret her in this way.

In one of her final paragraphs, Jessica makes an observation that resonated with me, and that was the need to try to find shared experiences. She explains that right now, this can be difficult for her because she has feelings of abhorrence for some people that see things very differently from the ways she sees them. I could relate to this very deeply. While I have no desire to turn this into a political rant, I do feel like the current political situation has me looking at some others with a great deal of suspicion and mistrust. I think part of this is because I have coworkers and relatives who see the political situation from a very different standpoint than I do. Yet at the same time, each side seems to be fearing, feeling threatened by, and generally disliking the opposite side based on the same basic kinds of assumptions. I struggle to feel empathy for some of these people.

All in all, I think my question to Jessica really loops back to the element of self-care. Many of us are just not taking good care of ourselves. But on the other hand, I also know some people who seem to be taking advantage of the COVID situation, are missing lots and lots of work, claiming they have a runny nose week after week after week. I know a few who have taken mental health time over and over and over, yet when someone else is struggling, they have no empathy for others. For me, all of these experiences pile up and create resentment and frustration for me. Yet I plow ahead, knowing darned well I am doing way, way, way too much for everyone else and not so much for me. Even though I know I need to practice some self-care, I feel bad when I do it because I could be doing so many other more productive things. So I wonder if somewhere inside, Jessica also struggles, as I do, to turn the depth and breadth of her empathy toward herself and if she does, why does this happen? Is it something deep inside that makes some of us feel like we are less deserving somehow? Or is it having to do with the way females are still raised to be caretakers for others so much of the time? I really want to better understand why it is so hard to truly shower herself with all the empathy she shows others. And this may be too personal a question, which I can respect. However, Jessica has obviously touched something deep in my heart. Maybe it can be of some solace to know someone else sees her, too.